I Can Actually Hear You Getting Fatter

James accompanied me for some grocery shopping at Hy-Vee in Pleasant Hill on Friday night. A book of Pixar stickers caught his eye, and he said, "I need this for my niece." Public places seem to trigger James' need to recite movie lines. While waiting in the crowded checkout line, James reenacted the scene from "Tommy Boy" where Chris Farley eats french fries and squirts ketchup into his mouth. James loudly quoted David Spade, "Ugh, I can actually hear you getting fatter."

Back at my house James was glued to my new digital photo frame loaded with my wedding photos. We had the following conversation several times:

James: Val, are you married?

Val: Yes.

James: I'm single.

Val: That's good to know.

James: You lived happily ever after.



James Loves Valentine's Day!

Before James and I left for "Journey 2: The Mysterious Island" on Friday night, I got an update from my parents on James' week. James is happiest at school when he has a girl under each arm, whether those girls are willing participants or not. To try and stop James in the act, my dad instituted a new code called "The Three G's". I asked James, "What are "The Three G's?" He got really embarassed and said, "No girls, no guns, and no goofing around." I asked my dad, "What is the deal with the guns part?" It was because James isn't allowed to watch any violent TV shows. James also updated me on his Easter list. He thinks every holiday should be like Christmas. We had been waiting for him to discover Internet shopping, and he did last week. With a full shopping cart on Amazon.com, he asked our dad, "What's the password?"

After the movie James opened his Valentine's Day presents, which included Tootsie Rolls, Airheads, Skittles, and "Cars 2". After eating each Tootsie Roll, James walked his wrapper to the garbage and came back to the couch. Mark finally said, "James, just put the wrappers in the bag, you don't need to walk to the garbage each time." James yelled at Mark, "I want to talk to the boss!" I said to James, "Who is the boss?" James replied, "Val." The next morning I made sure that we were on time for breakfast at Burger King.   

  
James' Easter List

Valentine's Presents in our Pink Bathroom

James bothering Mark



The Most Demanding Valentine

James has been planning our Valentine's Day weekend since the Burger King breakfast disaster. Apparently he doesn't want to leave me any room to screw it up. Last night he let me in on the details. He got on his laptop and showed me that we were going to "Journey 2: The Mysterious Island" in 3D. Then he repeated this list to me over and over again:

• Valentine's Day Tootsie Rolls
• Valentine's Day Airheads
• "Cars 2" DVD

Finally, he looked me directly in the eyes and said "Burger King breakfast". During this short period of time he also asked everyone in my family a million times, "Does coyote catch the roadrunner?" He really feels bad for the coyote.  

Meltdown Over Breakfast

James was pumped up Friday night about a brutal battle of tug-of-war in the East High weight room, and he didn't hesitate to show me his moves. Then we went to see the movie "Big Miracle". Although James liked the whales, the storyline was a little too slow moving for him. He was happy to get back to my house to make his Pillsbury cookies. He was fascinated with a travel neck pillow he found left out from my recent trip to San Francisco and wore it all night. All was well, and James was one Burger King Ultimate Breakfast Platter and large Dr. Pepper away from the perfect weekend. However, I wasn't paying attention Saturday morning and suddenly realized we had missed the 10:30 a.m. Burger King breakfast deadline. This news resulted in James having a full-blown meltdown complete with alligator tears and a toddler-like tantrum. James could not be consoled, and he didn't understand why we couldn't just go to Burger King and get what he wanted. James thought Mark was taking too long to get in the truck, so he honked the horn and yelled, "I want to go home. This is bullsh**t!" Although James' behavior was completely inappropriate, in his defense, the 10:30 a.m. fast food breakfast deadline has also caused me a lot of anxiety over the years. Maybe I want an Egg McMuffin at noon! Mark and I took James home where my mom tried to talk to him about how adults have to learn to accept disappointment to which James replied, "I don't want to be a man!" I could tell James was still mad at us when we left. As we walked out the door, James yelled at Mark, "Goodbye diphead!"

James Packs for College

Last week James interrupted a phone conversation between his oldest sister, Venessa, and our mom:

James: Venessa, I'm taking "Fast and the Furious", "Scrooge", "Napoleon Dynamite", "Road Trip", and "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" to college.
Venessa: What college are you going to?
James: University of Iowa Hawkeyes and Branson.
Venessa: And what do you plan on studying?
James: Uh...studying?
Venessa: Yeah...that is what you do in college.
James: Like I said...I'm taking "Fast and the Furious", "Scrooge", "Napoleon Dynamite", "Road Trip", and "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" to college...And the rectangle TV.
Venessa: It sounds like you have everything figured out.
James: I'm also taking Mountain Dew, Pepsi, Coke, Cherry Coke, strawberry pop, and Dr. Pepper.
Venessa: Aren't you going to take anything to eat?
James: Uh yeah...cheese balls.
Venessa: Don't you need more variety? Maybe some more color in your diet?
James: Um...I like Skittles and M&M's. (Being very literal of course).
Venessa: (Laughing) How about some vegetables?
James: Um...(thinks awhile)....Peanut Butter M&M's?
Venessa: Not exactly a vegetable...but nice try buddy.
James: So yeah...I need to go pack for college. Bye.

James hands the phone back to mom.